From a shamanic journey work that I did in 2010;
“First of all I was shown the connexion to God – there is a golden orb/ light up in the cosmos and I am connected to it and it feels great! (this is my awareness of being an individuated consciousness but still one with the Divine)
Then there is a gradual disconnexion as I feel myself descending. (my awareness of oneness with the Divine is growing less and less as I descend into matter)
Then I am down here at the bottom and all that lovely connexion is gone. (now I’ve come onto the earth plane and inside me all is empty and cold and dark, there is nothing, just nothing, it’s all gone)
Then a gradual re-awakening of love as I find things to love around me, people, things, places, (and that feels better, what a relief, like coming out of the cold and into the warm) but then distress coming in at the realisation of always losing these things, never being able to hold onto them (and all the grief and loss that goes with this, oh God, what pain) and with this, the total and absolute realisation of being able (in truth & reality) to hold onto nothing, a gradual returning of my face towards Divinity. (and back to the light within)
This time, the return to the light within, is through my consciousness and using my intent and I am shown that this is the way to re-connect to the Divine.
No mystery, no magick, just so!”
Later on in another journeywork, I applied healing salve I had been given to the wound, and discovered that underneath the initial feelings of emptiness that came with the first descent into matter and separation from the Divine, underneath this nothingness, was accompanying rage, grief, howling loss, and extreme shock.
The pain of being separated from the Divine was so great, that it sent the conscious into unconsciousness, (the shock was so shockingly shocking as to be enough to send any form of consciousness into an instant faint back into the comforting deep sleep of the unconscious) and so the pain lumbers in the depths of the subconscious mind, rearing it’s head as an occasional illness, and whenever true loss and grief is felt, so it is awakened then.
This terrible wound to the newly born ego, in it’s first descent into matter, is too great to be actually felt on that initial experience, and so it slumbers on in the darkest depths of our subconscious minds, only being awoken from time to time, by the (resonating emotions of) grief and loss, until we have separation & abandonment until we have sufficiently matured into the light, and brought our healing skills to such a range that we might attempt to heal this greatest wound, our deepest pain.
Sometimes when we have reached this level of development, then comes into our lives our twin flames, for us to experience this oneness at a soul level even while we are in our physical bodies ( we feel at one, not just in our minds and bodies, but in our hearts and most of all, in our souls – because we have found the other half of our soul, and we are complete, what love, what joy) but then only for them to be separated from us again. (what pain, what grief, what loss and abandonment, what rage)
All of the loss and abandonment in our lives helps us to experience feeling ‘torn apart’ , and echoes our original loss ( which was the loss of our conscious awareness of our connexion to the Divine; because of course, we have never lost God, just that it seems so to our conscious selves that are struggling to become consciously God aware whilst in physical matter)
It allows us to come the closest we can at this stage to experiencing the original trauma of feeling separate from God.
Were we to already experience the actual feelings from the original event, all in one go, we would fall immediately into unconsciousness, the trauma being too great to process. Experiencing loss in our lives allows us to start to move towards the original pain, rage, shock that we felt, and allows it to start to be ventilated a little from our system.
The gifts that we develop in response to this pain are gifts of compassion, love and healing.
We learn that there is no wound so great that it cannot be healed by the love of Divine Mother/ Father God (who is ourSelves).
As the trauma is healed/ uncovered/ brought into the light, so can our God consciousness, which so far has been buried underneath the trauma, once again rise up from it’s slumbers in the depths and come into the light, evoking the memory and consciousness of who we truly are.
And so slowly by slowly, through our individual healing journeys, can all the material repressed in the subconscious be dealt with and processed.
For example, in meditation, we can allow ourSelves (our God consciousness/ the observer in the meditation) to observe everything that comes up from the subconscious.
And in that observing, we can bring our God consciousness (the light) to our repressed material, such as feelings/thoughts that pop up from the subconscious( the dark), bringing healing and uncovering day by day.
Eventually all of the material is processed, and then one day there is no more left that is repressed, and out pops the God consciousness, buried no more!
But we can also use all of our modern day skills that we have learnt and developed and bring those to bear in the same way.